Each year Santa Claus drops by our homes and leaves amazing presents. It is time to give back. We should organize a present for Santa this year, right? It is only fair.
Sure, we leave him cookies, a glass of milk and maybe some booze beside the Christmas tree or fireplace. The reindeers get a bucket of water.
Is that enough? Santa and the reindeers deliver the zillions of presents each year and all we cough up are a few snacks and a beer or shot of whiskey?
We need to do better. The devoted, caring Porch Potty crew came up with the perfect present for Mr and Mrs Claus.
A dog! - We know for a fact his North Pole home is perfectly set up for a doggo. In April he ordered 25 Premium Porch Potties, 25 Porch Potty Canopies to protect the reindeers while they pee and poop in the North Pole snow and 25 scented fire hydrants to help with their aim (Mrs Claus says Rudolph is a sprayer).
But what breed of dog is suitable for Santa? We asked friends, family, colleagues and our devoted customers for suggestions on what breed would best suit Santa’s North Pole lifestyle. Here are 12 randomly selected suggestions:
1.) PERUVIAN INCA ORCHID:
Someone, who will remain nameless, thought a Peruvian Inca Orchid would be a great addition to the Claus family. No, they are not suggesting we send a flower up to the North Pole. A Peruvian Inca Orchid is a beautiful hairless – completely hairless – pup. Are you kidding? The North Pole’s temperature drops below minus 40 degrees (Fahrenheit and Celsius). Sorry, but Peruvian Inca Orchids are not a suitable choice.
2.) CHINESE CRESTED DOG:
Are you kidding?!!! What’s with the hairless dog suggestions? This is a serious discussion. We are getting Mr and Mrs Claus a furever baby. Please note the “fur” in “furever”. Chinese Crested pups do have some fluff on their heads, but they need more to be a Santa candidate. When choosing a dog, it is crucial you select one suitable for your family, and the environment your pup will live in. A Chinese Crested living in North Pole snow blizzards and being chased by Yetis? C’mon!
Can someone please take this discussion seriously. Mike, who came up with this choice, thought Santa would like a greyhound because they are fast runners. He said if one of the reindeers can’t make the Christmas trip a greyhound could slot in beside Donna and Blitzen. His speed would help them.
No! Mike, we can kind of see your point, but greyhounds have zero bodyfat. They are not suitable for the North Pole freeze or flying high above the Earth.
OK. This suggestion kind of moves us in the right direction but we are still off the mark. Havanese are cute. They appear to have a thick coat. They are loyal, affectionate and would love snuggling up to Mr and Mrs Claus in front of the fireplace each night. But ... it’s a big NO! Think about it. Why are they called Havanese? They are native to Cuba. Yes, Cuba. The capital of Cuba is Havana. It has a tropical climate. Their long, silky coat protects them from tropical heat and sun, but does not keep them as warm as you would presume when the temperature drops. Havanese are not suitable for Santa.
Well, at least Basenjis are not naked. They are sturdy and tough dogs so it might also appear they would do well at Santa’s North Pole home.
They also make a yodel-like sound instead of the typical bark, so the reindeers are less likely to get spooked. But it is a NO! Just like the Havanese, Basenji’s are suited for warmer weather. They originated in central Africa – so not good fits for the frigid North Pole.
Excuse me for a second. I just have to walk outside, and head butt a tree. This list is getting me frustrated. If we rule out Havanese, Basenjis, Greyhounds etc. because they have thin fur/hair or originated in warm weather climates, why would we even entertain a Chihuahua? Chihuahuas, as the name suggests (again), originate in Mexico where snow blizzards and subzero temperatures are not common. Besides, imagine if a chihuahua snuck off to the reindeer stables. He could get trampled. Not a good choice.
NO! Poodles do not have an undercoat so can be vulnerable to the cold. Sure, they look great when their amazing coat is grown out and meticulously groomed.
Do Santa and Mrs Claus have the time to groom their poodle? No. Are you going to give the grooming job to the elves? What could be scarier for the pup than looking up and seeing an elf approaching with a pair of clippers?
8.) LABRADOR RETRIEVER:
Finally. A Lab may work. They have a thick double coat so are bred to withstand cold weather. They are loyal and would love snuggling up to Mr and Mrs Claus.
They would also get along well with the reindeers and they have the temperament for when the elves jump on their back for a ride around in the snow.
9.) NEWFOUNDLAND DOG:
Yes, yes, yes! You finally have the geography correct. Newfoundland is not in the tropics. Far from it. That’s great. It gets frigidly cold in the Canadian province and Newfies have a water-resistant, double coat to help keep them warm in winter. If Mr. and Mrs. Claus do get a Newfie they can’t keep her/him outside for long periods or when it gets too cold. But Newfies are definitely North Pole candidates.
10.) ANATOLIAN SHEPHERD:
Yep. Put these rugged and tough mountain dogs on Santa’s list. They are also smart, devoted and adaptable. Anatolia is in central Turkey and these pups were bred for the region’s dry summers and brutal winters.
Now we’re really cookin’. Keeshonds are not only gorgeous, affectionate and a potential loving next member of the Claus family, they are ready for the North Pole. They have thick fur and undercoat so have insulation for the North Pole freeze and damp ground. They are also great watchdogs. They were used as watchdogs on Dutch riverboats so if the Abominable Snowman comes snooping around Santa’s residence the Keeshond will sound the alert.
12.) SAMOYED, ALASKAN MALAMUTE, SIBERIAN HUSKY AND
Someone sent in a suggestion form with four doggo breeds for Santa. They are all perfect. Well done to the person who suggested this quartet. Wait! Wow! I just read the name at the bottom of this suggestion form.
Santa Claus! Yes, Santa heard about our quest to find him and Mrs. Claus a dog and submitted the request. It makes sense he would know what we were doing, right? Santa knows everything. He’s always watching us.
Great choice Santa. This quartet love the cold and are among the best sled dogs. Unlike the greyhound (Mike, seriously dude!), these doggos can step in if Rudolph or one of the other reindeers has a sore hoof and can’t make the Christmas run.
Thanks Santa. We’ll have a beautiful Samoyed, Alaskan Malamute, Siberian Husky or Chinook waiting beside our Christmas tree for you when you drop by this year.